PENNY ANTINE

1) INT. CASTLE HELL, MAIN ROOM - NEUTRAL
CLOSE on a crackling fire in the fireplace. CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal the
SILHOUETTE of MR. S. (Satan), his teeth chattering. CLOSE on cell phone as he punches in the nuber 666. CLOSE on his mouth as he speaks gruffly.
MR. S.
Bridget?
CUT TO:
2) INT. OR EXT. SOME AREA, CASTLE HELL - SAME TIME
ECU on BRIDGET'S red mouth as she speaks through jagged breath, intimidated by her father.
BRIDGET
Yes, Poppy?
1) BACK TO MR. S.
Get your ass down here.
2) BACK TO BRIDGET
Yes, Poppy.
CUT TO:
3) INT. CASTLE HELL STAIRWAY - SAME TIME
CLOSE on Bridget's red boots or shoes as her feet run down the stairway.
CUT TO:
4) INT. MAIN ROOM, CASTLE HELL - CONTINUATION OF SC. 1 Bridget, dressed in red, bursts into the main room and runs over to her father. He's huddled before the fire, wrapped in red blankets, shivering. Two bimbo-demons, VIPER and TEMPEST are with him.
BRIDGET
What's wrong, Poppy?
MR. S.
What's wrong? you ask? THAT'S what's wrong! He points to a chart on an easel beside the fire. Tempest is beside the chart with a pointer in her hand. When Mr. S. points, she points, she smacks the chart. A line on the chart shows a sharp decline.
MR. S. (cont'd) Our numbers are down! Since I retired and put the world in the hands of those devil-may-care idiots, everything went to hell. We're not meeting our quota. ...The fire inside me is going out, and if I can't stir it up again you know what'll happen?
BRIDGET (worried)
No, Poppy, what?
MR. S.
I'll turn into a smoldering ember... and then pffft! I'll go out.
BRIDGET (terrified)
Oh, Poppy!!!!
MR. S.
Girl, you've been sitting around kissing the mirrors for far too long. I'm putting you in charge. I'm sending you to the most sinful city on the planet.
BRIDGET
New York?
MR. S.
The most decadent.
BRIDGET
Hollywood?
MR. S.
No! No! No! -- The most evil...
BRIDGET (brightly)
Washington, D.C.!
MR. S.
Yes, my darling daughter... Washington D.C. There are two men I want you to focus on. The first is Senator Robert Kramer...
CUT TO:
5) INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
SENATOR ROBERT KRAMER is with the woman he loves, STELLA. But Stella doesn't love him back. She uses him sexually. As we open on them, Stella is sitting on the edge of the bed, Robert is standing beside her. Stella kicks off her shoes and offers him her feet. Robert strokes them.
ROBERT
I love you, Stella...
Stella laughs at him and runs her foot up to his crotch.
STELLA One look at my foot and your dick stands up and salutes. It's a good thing you don't work in a shoe store.
Robert gets down and peels off her stockings. He can't wait to get at her feet. He kisses her toes, licks them.
back TO:
6) int. castle hell, main rm - continuation
Mr. S, Bridget, Tempest and Viper are as they were before. Mr. S. continues:
MR. S.
...and the other is his nemisis, Senator Daniel Lang. He's made it his mission to expose the sexual peccadilloes of the senators and congressmen of the opposing party... while he, of course, remains untouchable, beyond reproach. Part of this speech carries over into the next scene.
CUT TO:
7) int. senator lang's bedroom, day
CLOSE on SENATOR LANG on his bed as he talks on the phone.
LANG
Yeah, Tom, I want you to get over to the Coloniel Hotel, Rm 1000. Kramer's got his girlfriend over there. He's got this foot fetish, likes to suck toes. Get me some photos of the fool in action. I want a shot of him with her foot in his mouth... (laughs)... I guarantee it'll hit the front page of every major paper in D.C.
bACK TO:
8) int. castle hell, main rm - continuation
MR. S.
Now get your butt out there and get to work! And watch out for that do-gooder, Gabe.
He'll make your life a living hell!
MR. S. (cont'd)
(he laughs at his joke) GO!
Bridget blows him a kiss - and disappears into thin air.
CUT back TO:
9) int. hotel rm - continuation
Robert is now kissing his way up Stella's leg to her pussy. He gets there, and once he attaches his mouth to her snatch we see
ANGLE ON CORNER OF ROOM where Bridget pops in for a look. She's smashing in a hot red outfit. She watches Robert eat Stella's pussy for a few moments, then
ANGLE ON ANOTHER CORNER OF ROOM where GABE pops in, dressed in a white suit, white shirt, white hat, etc.
The action between Robert and Stella freezes with his mouth on her pussy while Bridget snaps at Gabe.
BRIDGET
Gabe! What are you doing here?
GABE (calm, amused)
Slumming. Same as you.
BRIDGET
Go to hell!
Gabe laughs at her. Bridget gives him the finger and disappears. Gabe disappears right after her.
SEX SC #1 between Robert & Stella. Robert keeps telling her he loves her (ad lib) - Stella keeps telling him what to do to her (ad lib). He gets her off in a loud, shattering orgasm. Then Stella jumps up as if about to leave.
ROBERT
I love you, Stella... I'll do anything for you. But what about me?
He looks down at his raging hard-on.
STELLA Make it fast, okay? I gotta meet somebody somewhere. She gets him off as quickly as possible. After the pop -
CUT TO:
10) int. senator lang's bedroom - day
CLOSE on Lang as he's lying on his bed, smiling to himself. He speaks to someone we can't see.
LANG
We got him, baby, right in the old batta-bing batta-bay. I feel like celebrating, don't you?
BRIDGET POPS IN and watches.
LANG (cont'd)
Yes...I want to make love to every orifice in your body. (sweetly) ...And who would you like to be today, my darling? The maid? The movie star? (pulls a cigar from his pocket and offers it to her) The intern?
He laughs hysterically and cozies up to the woman beside him. As he does we PULL OUT to reveal that the woman is a blow up doll.
LANG (cont'd)
I think I'll start with your puckered little mouth.
He takes some lube and lubes her rubber mouth. Bridget takes her phone from her bright red purse and calls hell.
BRIDGET
Why is he doing this, Poppy?
11) int. castle hell, main rm -
MR. S. (ON PHONE)
He's protecting his reputation, Bridget. He can have all the sex he wants and he never has to worry about her blabbing her mouth off to the press.
BACK TO:
12) int. senator lang's bedroom - continuation
Bridget watches Lang stuff his limp dick into the lubed mouth of the blow-up doll.
BRIDGET
Ewwww, yuck!
Bridget disappears.
CUT back TO:
13) int. hotel room - continuation
Stella is dressed now, putting on her shoes. Robert stops her before she gets the last shoe on.
ROBERT
Don't go.
STELLA
Don't beg, Robert... it makes me want to puke.
She turns her back and exits. Robert drops his face into his hands and begins to weep loudly. THE PHONE RINGS. He answers.
ROBERT
Hello?
BRIDGET'S VOICE
Stop sniveling, Robert, and do something about the situation.
ROBERT (alarmed)
Who are you? How did you find me?
BRIDGET'S VOICE
I can help you change things, get what you want out of your life.
ROBERT (intrigued)
You can? How?
BRIDGET'S VOICE
Come to my office, I'll show you how.
ROBERT
What office? where? How do I find you?
The phone goes dead. Robert gets frantic.
ROBERT (cont'd)
Hello? Hello?
Suddenly, dozens of red business cards come floating down in SLO MO out of the blue. Robert snatches one out of the air.
CLOSE ON CARD. It reads: DR. BRIDGET HELLBINDER DOCTOR OF LOVE, LIFE & SEX 666 So. Sixth Street
CUT TO:
14) int. bridget's space - day The central piece here is a big bed dressed with accents of red and cluttered with sex toys and chatchkas: a rubber snake, voodoo dolls, etc. Red hearts & flowers. A fishbowl of condoms sits on a bedstand nearby. Bridget's two aides, WORMWOOD & PIGWEED, stand like silent butlers in the background. Bridget, dressed as always in red, is talking with Robert.
BRIDGET
I can fix everything for you, Robert. I can change your identity, your appearance... I can give you a new life. It's reincarnation... rebirth without any real death.
ROBERT
Can you make Stella love me?
BRIDGET
I guarantee it. ROBERT
...What's this gonna cost?
BRIDGET (with a wry smile)
Nothing much. Just your soul.
Robert realizes who she is. He backs off.
ROBERT
Whoah! No sale, lady. You're the devil, aren't you?
BRIDGET
His daughter.
Robert starts to leave, but as he goes the TV monitor snaps on. On the monitor he sees:
15) Brief scene of Robert making love with Stella, but this time it's Stella showering him with kisses, telling him over and over how much she loves him. She turns and looks into CAMERA, speaks directly to Robert:
STELLA
It could be everything you ever dreamed of, Robert... Do it. Do it for me and I'll love you forever...
14) BACK TO ROBERT & BRIDGET.
ROBERT (to Bridget, hopelessly lost)
Where do I sign?
BRIDGET (touches her lips)
Here. It's a verbal contract, sealed with a kiss. Now tell me exactly who you want to be.
ROBERT
I want to be the perfect person for Stella, the one she'd pick out in a crowd, the one she would love...forever.
Bridget offers her lips. Robert places his lips on hers.
CUT TO:
16) int. devil's playground - day
It's a party house where swingers congregate for sex. There's a sign up that reads
THE DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND. We see Stella moving among the writhing, naked bodies (EXTRAS).
One guy, dressed in a torn t-shirt and brandishing a beer bottle, calls out to her Brando style:
STAN
Stella! Hey, STEL-la!!!
In another area of the room we see Robert moving through the place, all dressed in black. No one notices that he's there. Then Stella sees him and flashes a smile.
ROBERT (V.O.)
Me! She picked me!
He glances into a mirror to fix his tie -- and the image looking back at him is that of a woman, ROBERTA, the person he has now become. She's dressed just like him.
ROBERT (V.O.)
Ohmygod!!! I'm a woman!
CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal that Robert is gone and Roberta is in his place. Roberta turns to find Bridget right behind her. She cries out, accusing:
ROBERTA
What have you done?!!!
Bridget fidgets a moment, then disappears.
CUT TO:
17) int. bridget's chamber - day
Wormwood and Pigweed both have cell phones to their ears when Bridget pops in, fidgeting as before. She's upset.
BRIDGET
What am I gonna do? I just fucked up big time.
WORMWOOD
(holds out his phone)
New Orleans calling --
PIGWEED (holds out his phone)
Africa.
BRIDGET (beside herself)
Handle it, Pigweed! I can't talk to them right now! I can't do everything for everybody!
WORMWOOD
Relax, Bridget... you're too damn tense. Sit down... we'll fix it for you.
BRIDGET
Oh, Wormwood... if only you could.
Wormwood and Pigweed begin to massage her shoulders, move down to her breasts - and move into SEX SC. #2 - BRIDGET, WORMWOOD, PIGWEED. After sex -
fade to:
18) int. devil's playground - a short while later
Bridget returns to the Playground to the same action as before, bodies writhing on couches, floor, etc. Bridget goes and sits in front of the fireplace.
BRIDGET
I've gotta call Poppy.
As she's dialing her cell phone, Gabe appears and sits beside her. The fire in the fireplace goes out. Bridget puts away her phone.
BRIDGET
What are you doing here?
GABE
Just looking after my flock.
BRIDGET
You're in the wrong playground.
GABE
Don't be too sure. There's one soul here that doesn't have a final destination yet.
BRIDGET
Which one is that?
Gabe points over at Roberta, who's looking around, lost. Roberta wanders out of the area and we
CUT TO:
19) int. bathroom - same time, day
Roberta enters the bathroom, hikes up her skirt and attempts to pee as a man would. She looks down. We hear Robert's thoughts V.O.:
ROBERT (V.O.)
Oh, fuck! I don't have a dick anymore. I've gotta sit down to pee! (looks at the toilet seat)
Shit, I can't sit on that! those sloppy men have splashed all over the toilet seat.
She tears off some toilet paper and puts it on the toilet seat, then hoists her skirt, drops her panties and sits down. As she's sitting there, the door opens and Stella slips into the room. Roberta is embarrassed. She tries to cover her naked bottom.
ROBERTA
I'm not finished in here yet!
STELLA
I know. I wanted to catch you in the act.
ROBERTA (appalled)
Why?!
STELLA
I want to get to know you better. I want to know how you pee, what kind of panties you wear, how you blot your lipstick...
ROBERTA
...Don't you like men?
STELLA
They're okay...but I'm more interested in someone like you.
Stella moves in for the kill... she touches Roberta... teases her sexually...
ROBERT (V.O.)
She wants me! And I want to fuck her in the worst way! But ohmygod I can't!!
ROBERTA (sadly)
I lost my dick.
STELLA
It's okay, honey... I have one.
Stella pulls a dildo (or strapon) from her purse. Move into SEX SC #3 - STELLA,
ROBERTA. After sex -
CUT TO:
20) INT. DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND - continuation
Bridget is still seated by the fireplace. Gabe is gone now. Bridget is dialing her phone again.
BRIDGET (ON PHONE)
Poppy? Can't you come out of retirement? Pleeeze? I'm not ready for all this responsibility... I'm fucking everthing up.
CUT TO:
21) int. castle hell
MR. S. (ON PHONE WITH BRIDGET)
You're doing fine, girl. Go after Lang now, y'hear? I want him to come crashing through the gates of hell like his feet were on fire and his ass was catching.
(puts an arm around Tempest & Viper)
I'll send Tempest and Viper to help you.
CUT TO:
22) int. lang's front door area - day
The doorbell rings. Lang opens the door and is pleased to find a package on his doorstep. He brings it inside.
CUT TO:
23) int. lang's bedroom - day
Lang opens the package and pulls out two new blowup dolls.
LANG
Wonderful! WONderful!
He starts blowing them up.
fade to:
24) SAME PLACE, LANG'S BEDRM, A FEW MINUTES LATER
The two dolls are blown up and dressed in hot outfits.
LANG
Oh, you beautiful dolls!
He kisses one of the dolls on the mouth. As he does, he hears a voice coming from the other doll.
TEMPEST
Hey... what about me?
Lang turns to find that the other doll has turned into Tempest, and when he turns back, the one he kissed has turned into Viper. Lang jumps back, horrified.
LANG
How did you get in here?
VIPER
You pulled us out of that box, stupid. You blew us up.
LANG
But you're real!!
TEMPEST
Only in your mind, honey... We're a figment of your imagination.
Tempest and Viper pull him down on the bed and devour him. SEX SC. #4 - TEMPEST, VIPER, LANG.
After sex Lang sits up to light a cigarette. He turns his back to the girls, shaking his head. When he turns back they are dolls again. He laughs to himself, then notices a newspaper tucked under the Viper doll's arm. He opens it, then screams in horror...
LANG
NOOOOOO!!!!!
INSERT OF PAPER. The headline reads: SENATOR DANIEL LANG CAUGHT WITH TWO HOOKERS.
Lang drops his face into his hands. Suddenly, dozens of red business cards come floating down from the blue.
CUT TO:
25) int. bridget's chamber
Lang is there with Bridget. She's been explaining things to him.
BRIDGET
Tell me exactly who you'd like to be.
LANG
I want to be me, but not me. I want to be of service to people. Can you do that for me?
Bridget puckers up. Lang places his lips on hers.
CUT TO:
26) int. devil's playground
CLOSE on an ash tray as a hand grinds a cigarette butt into an ash tray. PULL BACK TO REVEAL that the ash tray is on a coffee table. PULL BACK FARTHER to reveal that Lang is the coffee table base. He's on all fours, dusted white, wearing just a jock strap. His plaster-white face is twisted in a permanent grimace.
Bridget sees this and rushes over to the fireplace again. She dials her cell phone.
BRIDGET (ON PHONE)
Poppy! Help! I can't seem to do anything right!
CUT TO:
27) INT. CASTLE HELL
Mr. S. rolls his eyes, exasperated.
BACK TO:
28) int. devil's playground
At fireplace. Bridget is still on the phone with Mr. S.
BRIDGET (ON PHONE)
I don't like it up here, Poppy... I wanna come home...
She hears laughter behind her. The fire goes out. She turns to find Gabe laughing at her again.
BRIDGET (angrily)
What are you laughing at?
GABE
You. Mistress of the Underworld, Bridget the bungler.
(he laughs again)
GABE (cont'd)
You've been in hell too long, your powers are fried. All the better for me, my dear.
I'm claiming all the souls here for heaven. They belong to me now.
BRIDGET
You can't!
GABE
Watch me.
He snaps his fingers. All the people in the room (the devil's playground extras, Lang,
etc) DISAPPEAR.
BRIDGET
Damn you!!! You won't get away with this!
Gabe laughs. Bridget hisses at him like a cat and DISAPPEARS. Gabe laughs again
29) SAME PLACE
and as he's laughing he suddenly notices a beautiful ANGELIC ANGEL OF A WOMAN across the room. She's dressed all in white, like him -- her hair is the opposite color from Bridget's. Gabe is instantly captivated.
GABE
Who are you?
ANGELA (sweetly angelic)
Angela.
(pointing upward))
He sent me to you. I'm a gift from above, your bonus prize for saving so many--many souls.
Gabe is entranced - and delighted.
GABE
Well. The Old Man's hipper than I thought.
ANGELA (coming closer, seductively)
He asked me to make you very, very happy...
She reaches out and touches him, kisses him, draws him down on a couch, a chair, and begins to make passionate love to him. His eyes close in ecstacy, but all too soon they pop open as he howls in pain. Angela has gripped his balls and is squeezing hard.
30) But now he sees it's not Angela at all. It's Bridget. Gabe tries to get away but she's got such a grip on his balls! Now it's her turn to laugh...
BRIDGET
Bridget the bungler, huh? I won't bungle this, my dear.
Her mouth closes around his cock and he's helpless to stop her. FULL X SC #5,
BRIDGET, GABE.
31) AFTER SEX, Gabe is sprawled out, totally wasted.
BRIDGET
Okay, Gabe, I won this round. I want my souls back.
GABE
Not a chance in hell.
Bridget grabs his balls again. Gabe howls in pain and gives in.
GABE (cont'd)
Let go! Please! You got it!
(Bridget releases his balls)
...But you haven't seen the last of me.
He snaps his fingers again and disappears.
CUT TO:
32) int. castle hell
Mr. S. has an arm around Viper & Tempest; he's grinning proudly.
MR. S.
She lost 'em, but she got 'em all back. That's my kid.
CUT TO:
33) int. bathroom -
Stella and Roberta are at the mirror fixing their makeup. Stella is starry-eyed.
STELLA
I love you, Roberta. I never want to be with anyone but you.
ROBERTA
Don't you have a man in your life?
STELLA
Not really. There's this asshole Robert... He's a good fuck but I wouldn't want to have dinner with him.
ROBERTA
Why not?
STELLA
ŚCause he's a bore... always whining about how much he loves me. He's such a wimp... and he's a Senator, too. You'd think he'd have some balls. Robert now understands the truth about Stella.
ROBERTA
I'm glad we had this conversation - bitch!
She exits the bathroom in a huff.
CUT TO:
34) int. devil's playground.
Bridget is herself in Red again. She sees Roberta enter the room. Roberta looks around and is immediatley stricken with compassion for the coffee table man.
She runs over and kneels down beside him.
ROBERTA
You poor thing! What happened to you?
LANG
I'm not quite sure.
ROBERTA
Are you happy down there?
Lang starts crying...great big boo hoos.
ROBERTA
Poor thing!!!
Roberta jumps up and takes all the stuff off the coffee table top, then removes the glass from Lang's back and helps him to his feet. Lang is overjoyed to be a person again.
LANG
I'm so happy I could kiss you!
ROBERTA (also overjoyed)
Then do!
Lang kisses her passionately, and when he pulls away his face contorts in horror -- for Roberta has turned back into Robert. Robert sees the look on his face but doesn't know he's changed back yet.
ROBERT
What's wrong?
He dashes over to a mirror and looks at himself, then rushes over to Bridget.
ROBERT (cont'd)
I'm ME! I'm ME again! How did you do it?
BRIDGET
Your contract was sealed with a kiss. It's also broken with a kiss.
ROBERT (beside himself with happiness)
I could kiss you for this!
(thinks again)
No, that could fuck me up again.
(rushes for the door)
I'll just see ya, okay? Maybe?
(on second thought)
Maybe not.
He dashes out the door. Bridget goes over to the fireplace and dials her father on the phone.
BRIDGET
Poppy? It's me. Can I come home now?
CUT TO:
35) int. castle hell
MR. S.
Hell no, girl. You're doing great! You've got a whole world to conquer. Next stop -- Hollywood! You're gonna paint the town RED!!!!
(he throws back his head and laughs)
FREEZE FRAME - ROLL END CREDITS